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Spares and Besties
Spares and Besties was already looking at the impact of multiple concurrent partnerships, intergenerational and transactional sex, things that would contribute strongly to the South African HIV/AIDS epidemic, back in 1999. Produced as an aide to open up frank discussion about sex and sexuality amongst youth.
Girlfriend: Look here is that monkey from channel O, "Greetings brother from Jamaica". I wish I was his boss so I can fire him.
Boyfriend: I got a video here from my guidance teacher.
Girlfriend: What is it?
Boyfriend: I don't know. He said it's for my enlightenment maybe its porn.
Girlfriend: I hope it's not one of those boring safer sex videos, if you could talk AIDS away SABC will get first prize
Boyfriend: I don't know, let's see.
Spares & besties Part 1
Boy1: [You see, it's right to have one partner because when there's two and you get sick, you won't know who made you sick.]
Girl1: ...how much he loves you and what he's doing on the side. That's why you need to have two partners.
Girl 2: It's right to have at least two people, so that when one dumps you, you don't have to sit and cry over him because you know you have someone else.
Girl3: And sometimes your boyfriend knows that you are going out with him only, he gets naughty, and that's why you must show him that you can find someone else.
Girl 2: No, they talk nonsense. They don't have only one, they have a lot.
Boy 2: When you have one partner, you must be true to your partner. Because, if you have two girlfriends, there will be one that you love and one that you don't love. This could result in her putting herself in front of a train - over such a small thing!
Thulani: There's one you can say "I love you, I really love you", This other one, say she loves me, then I say "Okay no problem, you love me and I love you, you see so let's go make love."
Prudence: I think most girls don't follow up with guy if the guy has seven girlfriends or more, they just follow their hearts, "Let's go by, oh I like him". So whatever he does it's not my problem, if only he could be mine.
Thulani: My heart tells me this one is the best, then I just follow up to finding she's filed you see. When I saw, okay she's filed, she's filed - correct, then I take her as my bestie.
Buyiswa: Nomawethu was another girlfriend from Mzi. Mzi knows what he really wants, but he just wanted to have another girlfriend while he was waiting for me to be ready you see, spares are just things like that.
Nokuthanda: I think when a guy has more than say a lot of girlfriends, the main girl that he usually goes out with and that will always be seen with, now that's the bestie or the firstie.
Thulani: You can treat her like a wife because she the only one that using her mind, so she's the one, she's the best that's why we are calling her the best, she's the best.
Girl 4: the others are just roll-ons, we call them Khwapheni.
Nokuthanda: They are just there for whenever he needs them.
Thulani: The bread ones you see, like we call them breads, the other one you see.
Nokuthanda: I think it's when you have say two boyfriends then the one maybe you have sex and the other you just like him, you know, you just have that bond with him, the other one is just to have sex. Or maybe you have another one for money and to buy you clothes and stuff, and the other one to maybe to make you look good you know, for the car, you know so it's same as the boys but they don't know that we think these things, so they think they are the only bright ones around.
Thulani: When the time is bad they must go to the besties you see, they must go to the besties.
Girlfriend: So I'm your bestie right?
Boyfriend: Of cause darling, you are the one you know that.
Girlfriend: So if I'm your bestie where are the spare bones?
Boyfriend: Wait a minute those girls say you do the same, so maybe you have a number two lined up just for in case.
Girlfriend: What's wrong with doing the same thing that you do, we can't be on the receiving end all the time it must be equal rights.
Boyfriend: Equal rights?
Girlfriend: You didn't answer my question. Would you tell me if you have other girls?
Boyfriend: Do you think I'm like Thabo or Zamo or all these other guys with extra girlfriends and keep it a secret? If I'm in love with someone else I won't keep it a secret, I will tell you. Come on, let's watch and talk later please.
"Love is not a 5 minute experience"
"I want an honest guy"
"He wants to show me that he loves me..."
Love, romance and trust
Anthony: {Afrikaans} [A relationship is something based on trust, not love. Love is something you experience with time. It's how you become closer to each other, that's what love is. It's not just a quick 5 minute experience!]
Natasha: {Afrikaans} [I don't know how it should be... It should just be right and feel right. He may be romantic or a bodybuilder or whatever, but I must feel right about the guy and everything must feel right.
Buyiswa: I want an honest guy, nice and I don't want anyone just sit next to me and look and say nothing, I want someone who is open. Then we must discuss things. He just don't come and hit me any time he wants to, you see.
Enver: {Afrikaans} [I often get asked why I don't get a girlfriend. Even my grandmother asked me that. My reply is, "No, I want a man!"]
Craig: I can't make a commitment now really, I'm still young and I want to enjoy my life.
Janine: Even if you've played this innocent, loving guy I'll still know, you know, what you're up too. ‘Cause they start out as if they're so honest, you know, "Oh, he's so honest with me", but he's honest to a certain extent.
Ruth: Some boys are serious because the other one who took me out, he said to me sex is not very important, but he wants to show me that he love me without going to bed and make love, he just want to take me out.
Enver: {Afrikaans} [There must be a mutual respect, he must respect me and I respect him. I must be able to talk to him about anything; he must be able to advise me and I must be able to advise him. He must be prepared to wait until I am ready to sleep with him.]
Rachel: {Afrikaans} [You can picture how it should be, but it doesn't work out like that. How I want it to be is: he must be romantic, I must know him well, he must respect me for me and okay, there must be love. Maybe one evening we'll go to "wine and dine". But please do get us a hotel room for privacy so it's not a case of "quick-quick because somebody is coming".]
Nokuthanda: I think you need romance to have sex, for it to mean something, because without romance it doesn't mean anything. It just makes the girl feel used or something, but with romance its whole different aspect towards it. It's like you really want it and you mean so much to each other and everything you know.
Prudence: Even if it was painful at least you have that part of been romanced and all that stuff.
Girl 4: And sometimes you don't always have sex you just lie on the bed and romance without sex.
Ruth: Some guys they don't want that because they say they love you and they can't show you that they love you, they only give you sex always not takes you to the movies.
Delmarie: {Afrikaans} [He always made feel beautiful and in the beginning he didn't try to buy me, as people say. We were just normal, but he always made me feel good. He always said how intelligent I was in school and told people good things about me. He bought me birthday gifts, but always added that he was not doing it to buy me but because he loved me. The word ‘love' was always mentioned.]
Prudence: In front of you, yes they look at them in front of you, and I mean they don't see us as, maybe, valuable stuff, you know. Maybe they think we're just there for them.
Girl 4: Like the other guy his girlfriend went to a party and then he went to look for her and he didn't find her and he was so angry, he was saying why she doesn't tell me when she goes to parties. And I was saying to myself "but do you tell her when you are going to a party?" They are like that.
Buyiswa: I trust Mzi but not 100%. You see people change you'll never know what change them, whether your relationship was good and there was nothing wrong but they just change, maybe I'm the one whose going to change maybe Mzi is going to change you see. I don't know.
Neil: {Afrikaans} [They say love is something you feel. How do you know that you are really in love? The only love I know is my mother's love. I don't know another love.]
Girlfriend: I can see you guys you talk about love, love, love, but it's really sex, sex, sex. True or false?
Boyfriend: But baby it's not always like that, I agree with a guy who says love takes time.
Girlfriend: How do I know your love is for me only?
Boyfriend: But baby you have to trust me okay. Come on baby, your parents will come back.
Girlfriend: Where did we put the condoms?
Boyfriend: I thought you had them.
Girlfriend: No, the ones they were in my room, we finish them last weekend.
Boyfriend: But baby since you're the only one I'm in love with for the past year we don't have to use a condom.
Girlfriend: I don't think so, when you guys go out I don't know what you get up to and I've seen how you like flirting with the other girls and I don't know where that little thing has been.
Boyfriend: Baby, why are you not like other girls. They fall in love and they don't give their boyfriends hard time like you do.
Girlfriend: So you do have other girlfriends
Boyfriend: No baby, I'm not saying that, it's just that...
Girlfriend: I'm so pissed off with men saying I love you so as to get sex without a condom and all the time girls fall for it.
Boyfriend: Okay baby forget about...
Girlfriend: Get lost leave me alone.
"...This foli business is not on..."
"...his voice changed. It was louder..."
"I didn't ask for it
I didn't want it and I didn't enjoy
Coercion Forced sex
Delmarie: {Afrikaans} [I was 14 or 15 years old. I met this guy. Of course, he told me I'm cute and all that. I said to the girl with me: I don't really want him; I'll take it as an adventure, just to see what it is like. We went out, alone and far from other people. He said, "I would have left long ago had it not been for you." "You should feel honored that I'm staying here for you." Then he got to the point, he wanted sex. But he knew I was a virgin. I gave excuses: "No, I can't. I'm having my periods." He said, "It's not true. I can feel." I said, "But I can't do it." He said, "Relax." But I couldn't. His tone changed. His voice became louder. I was scared. Tears started rolling. He said, "But you looked relaxed." "You didn't look like you wanted to say no." I tried all sorts of excuses. He said, "Well, you are not having your periods." At one point he said, "If you don't take your clothes off now, I'll tear it off your body myself." Thereafter it happened.
Thulani: One of my friends is having a girl but he doesn't like that girl, one thing we can advice him is we can give her a foli, he must give her a foli.
Vuyo: No, I don't go for foli, I don't like foli, I just don't like ifoli, that's it
Enver: ...the guy would sleep with David, but then David must sleep with his friend as well. They're just not right.
Thulani: You may lie to her you see, like "I love you and my friends are also love you, so they've got the chance to sleep with you", you see. Here in my room so you can ask her to sleep with them all.
Buyiswa: Because they say we not going to sleep at our homes it's late. The boy, her boyfriend want to sleep with her, she said I can't sleep with you because you are having friends. He said "No, if you love me you have to love even my friend", but the girl refused he just come and beat the girl and sleep with her and force her to sleep with them.
Vuyo: [That's wrong man. I don't do it and I don't wish to do it.]
Buyiswa: No, it's disgusting they have to go to the police station and report that, some of them they just need social workers you see.
Delmarie: {Afrikaans} [I don't actually know how to regard it, but what I do know - and I don't care what people say, or if they believe me or not - what I know is that I didn't do it freely. I did it under pressure. I was forced. I was afraid and I did not enjoy it.]
Boyfriend: I agree with uVuyo this foli business it's not on, I don't like it.
Girlfriend: People think that its only the high profile case they see in the news papers, but violence against woman is an everyday thing. {Xhosa} [rape is rape, no matter who's doing it, even if it's your boyfriend or someone staying in your community, he raped you]
Boyfriend: We must talk about these things in school, we need a real sex education and we need to talk about what is really happening and girls must have safe opportunity to identify the guys who do these horrible to them, they must have a programme to protect and support the rape survivors you know.
Girlfriend: {Xhosa} [I agree with you, these people need to be protected and get care.] I think we must tell this to our guidance teachers
Boyfriend: Yes, yes.
Girlfriend: ...and our SRCs and let all the students to discuss about it.
"skiet haar onder bombs"
"are you saving it for the worms?"
"I've got a little something for you..."
Kaarte skeit
bowling, lying and sweet nothing
Neil: {Afrikaans} [Maybe she says, "I'll wait until I'm 21"or "I don't feel ready". Then I ask, "How do you know if you haven't tried it yet? If she says that's how she feels inside, I will say "you don't know when are you will die. Are you saving it for the worms?"]
Thulani: So I just lie to her that, "You see, I love you, I want to make love to you, you see?" The same story...
Ruth: I was thinking maybe he's going to use me, like he's going to ask me to sleep with him.
Thulani: Like, I ask her "When is your birthday? Your birthday I'll buy you something". You see, so she will be just excited.
Ruth: Some are not serious because they say they love, only they took you to their home and make love.
Thulani: She thinks I've got something to give like a present, then she comes. Sometimes I just get into my bed and take off my clothes and wait for her. She will found me like this sitting on my bed, you see. Then I just say close the door and take off your clothes also I've got this present for you. Then she comes to bed.
Enver: {Afrikaans} [If he says it's his first time, you wouldn't know if it is. He'll tell you to just accept what he says. Who knows how many he's been with? There are so many diseases: eventually you will sit with AIDS. And there your gay life is over.]
Cat: {Afrikaans} [Let's say both of us have a crush on the same girl. He's going to dribble through his teeth and bite his nails while I'm the one maybe who approaches her straightforward with "girl, I love you so much..." and line like that. There she falls for you. How will the other friend feel? If you straightforward with a girl, you will always succeed.
Nokuthanda: Sometimes the boys they come back after a long time and then maybe you missed him so much you don't think at what's going to happen next and you have sex and then he just goes away again and he comes back when ever he feels like it. So sometimes, ja sex is good, but then it can hurt as well, emotionally.
Girlfriend: Ja, I see at least those guys admit that they usually lie when they talk about love.
Boyfriend: But you girls don't want to hear the truth, you want guys to tell you how pretty you are, how clever you are. So we're just telling you stuff you want to hear.
Girlfriend: Of course we want to have lots of adoring guys, guys who do things for us. Like taking us to the movies, buying us chocolates. Just like you did when you where chasing me.
Boyfriend: But I wasn't just telling you lies baby.
Girlfriend: Stripes or solid?
Boyfriend: Very solid.
Girlfriend: Get lost. You know, you make me think of Hillary Clinton.
Boyfriend: What about her?
Girlfriend: There she is, the American President's wife, I bet she's thinking about times she did sex with Bill without using a condom and he was sleeping around.
Boyfriend: But I don't look like Bill
Girlfriend: You definitely look like a man.
Boyfriend: Oh just forget it, lets play.
"girls like guys with cars"
"clothes play an important role"
"the car doesn't go into the bed"
money, cars and clothes
Cat: {Afrikaans} [Clothing, now that really is a big thing. I've seen that, especially at our school, most girls won't go out with you because you have a pretty face; the clothes play a part. You must have a Levi or a pair of All Star and cool jacket; then they want you. But if you're always in your grey socks and black school shoes, they get fed up.]
Janine: Girls don't really go for... looks is a part of it, but that's not the issue any more. If you can give me what I want then I'll give you what... And girls know. If I keep him satisfied, giving what he wants, sleeping with him, you know. One day he will come right and get married to me but it doesn't work like that. You just fall pregnant, once a girl fall pregnant of a gangster he leave her and go to the next one.
Thulani: But you know this model C? They like people with chains you know, those big chains you know. Guys wearing Fabian, like Bally Spitz, you see, and their perfumes must be at least R300 - R400. But I don't have those things.
Buyiswa: I want to have another girlfriend or boyfriend because this one is not give me something, money, something like... that other one is giving me money so this one is lousy, he doesn't have a beautiful home like this one. And this one got nice clothes so the real one is this one because he is rich, something like that.
Thulani: I've got only my mouth to talk with girl. But my elder brother told me that, the car does not come into the bed, you are going into the bed you see, so he said "Just forget about the car, you see because the car stays outside you see, then you must go inside the bed you see". So I just forget about the car.
Anthony: {Afrikaans} [In the gangster world, everything depends on the money and the cars. We used to go out joling, meeting other girls, stuff like that. We would take them out, but obviously, we're big boys... it would lead to something.]
Janine: Even the guys, the gangster that are in their late 20's or 30's they've got young girls like 14 or 15. Because girls like to have somebody that can pay, somebody who's got car, money, dress well you know that type of thing.
Enver:{Afrikaans} [The girls are so into taxi drivers and sleep with them...you ride around all day without paying. In return they expect to fetch you at any time, take you to the beach, where you must...]
Marlon: Open up your legs.
Boyfriend: You see, it's the girls who want guys with money, cars and other status stuff, so that's were the problem starts.
Girlfriend: And you guys exploit and manipulate it. Many girls around don't have enough money to buy the things we want, like the stuff we see on TV and the magazines, so they use sex to get it.
Boyfriend: And that makes it easy to get a girlfriend and have sex without a condom, after all if a girl is looking for a designer labels she won't worry about safer sex.
Girlfriend: I guess that's why after all the preaching so many girls in our school still fall pregnant and drop out.
Boyfriend: And so many of us get STDs even though we don't want to talk about it.
End of part 1
Spare & besties Part 2
"no, we don't get drop"
"It was painful"
"Boys don't tell us"
Sexually transmitted diseases
Nokuthanda: STDs...these only one.
Thulani: No, no we don't get drop because {Xhosa} [the girl makes her legs tied, so you beat her when she tries, so that you see.]
Nokuthanda: Some people they maybe when the guy brings his thing in to you and maybe you do something, I don't know how... but something to do with while you are having sex. The girl does something and then the boy will get a drop. But there are lots of theories and you will never know which one is correct because the boys won't tell us.
Craig: I wake up this morning, I saw this yellowish stuff here in my penis, I thought what the kak is this here?
Girl 4: The only thing I know is that if a guy has the drop, the only thing I heard is then he has to go to the clinic and get beaten by a hammer in his penis. That's all I know.
Craig: Like when I peed it was burning man.
Thulani: {Xhosa} [Like she make her self tight when you putting you penis in, she squeezes it so when you take it out the penis doesn't feel right.]
Prudence: I heard that if a girl takes her earring out and bites it when she is having sex the guy is going to get the drop.
Boy 3: {Afrikaans} [You won't just tell a girl that you have VD. When she dumps you, you'll hear from everyone that you've got VD. Then you feel embarrassed. And you can't tell anybody else unless that person is trustworthy.]
Boyfriend: Do you remember what that girl said about getting a drop?
Girlfriend: Oh my god, I can't believe that people are still saying such crazy things.
Boyfriend: Having your thing beaten with hammers? No way. I wonder why all these crazy myths are still around.
Girlfriend: So where do you think sexual transmitted diseases come from, wise guy?
Boyfriend: Simple, germs and viruses. You can pickup or transmit germs and viruses through sex and that's how people get STDs like drop. HIV is also a virus like others, but it causes AIDS.
Girlfriend: Wow, you really know your stuff.
Boyfriend: Wait a minute, there's still more, if your STD's are not treated properly and you carry on having sex that makes it much easier to get HIV.
Girlfriend: Maybe I've been too hard on you, you not just a pretty face after all.
"We can't do it here: It's too public"
"They can't bring boys home"
"I offer him my room"
Public or private space. The where? Part of sex
Rachel: {Afrikaans} [On TV you see people doing it in a big bed in privacy, with champagne and caviar and all that, which you don't see here.]
Cat: {Afrikaans} [She told me that her mother is not at home, so I should come over. That night, her grandmother caught us... Her grandmother was throwing packets, hitting with pans, past 3 that night I had to run home in my shorts.]
Josie: {Afrikaans} [At his home, or here at Tessa's maybe, but mostly at home. We have privacy at home and we are allowed many things. Kids who make out outdoors maybe have tight parents that is what makes them dishonest: they can't bring boys home.]
Thulani: My friend, he said to me he's got a girlfriend but he doesn't have a place where sleep with her so I just offered this room you see. And then he just come and I told him to look for my parents first you see, so my parents must not see you. Then he came around and put the girl here and then I told the girl that she may feel comfortable.
Niel: {Afrikaans} [Let's say we both want to have sex, then as the man I'll say: we can't do it here because it is too public. Let's go and do it on the sport field or in someone's yard, maybe. It depends on what she feels. And when we're done, she has to walk. Maybe I'll take her halfway. You're lucky if I take you halfway.]
Girlfriend: But these really look nice.
Boyfriend: How about this?
Girlfriend: But we can't afford them. Do you have anything less for us?
Cashier: Yes we do have lovers plus R2.99 for three.
Girlfriend: Are they approved by SABS?
Cashier: Yes.
Girlfriend: Okay, that is for us.
Boyfriend: Can you please put more?
Boyfriend: Thanks
Girlfriend: Thanks, bye. So where to now? My mother will be home, we can't go back there.
Boyfriend: If you didn't stop the video so much to talk we would have had the house to ourselves.
Girlfriend: So.
Boyfriend: Okay, why don't we go to bra Zuko. He always has the space for us
Girlfriend: Not that again, you know we don't get complete privacy there.
Boyfriend: Please baby.
Girlfriend: Okay, it's better than being on the {veld} {Afrikaans} [Field].
Boyfriend: Thanks baby.
"What the heck, let's kiss her back"
"sometimes you just want it inside you
"i thought we were just going to watch TV"
Going with the flow
Craig: As we sat on the bed I just saw her coming up to me and start to kiss me man, I thought what the heck just kiss her back. And so we kiss and kiss and damn, we kiss so far and we doing further and we kissed and she started undressing me, and I thought "Okay just go with the flow", and we undress each other and we had sex on my mother's bed. And it was like after I thought yho in your mother how could you do this? But okay it just happened, and strange things happen and strange things must happen. And so I just thought... and we've been on as if nothing happened.
Marlon: {Afrikaans} [Sometimes you just want it inside you...playing between your lips. But then you think, "Oh lord." Then suddenly it flashes, "I won't do it." Then you decide, "I'm going to do it." And so it continually flips you out. Your desire gets so big; it takes forever to put the condom on. But you must check and recheck yourself.]
Ruth: It was about 11 o'clock in the midnight. Then he came to the church and he asked me to leave the church. Then we went to his home, I thought I was just going to watch the TV and he said to me "No you know what we are doing, what are we going to do?" And I said "No, I don't know" and he started to take his clothes off then he asked me to that.
Craig: Sometimes it happen unexpected man, like if I'm drinking a lot and now I meet this girl. So I just checkout {Afrikaans} [how nice is the girl and look at her] and then she will go with flow and going further and we'll just do it and after a while or tomorrow I just think, yo, we didn't even use a condom, and it's done already. Sometimes it happens like that.
Girlfriend: Hey, don't be in such a hurry to put it on and put it in.
Boyfriend: Come on baby, please.
Girlfriend: There is other fun stuff we can do.
Boyfriend: What are those?
Girlfriend: Like playing with my monkey, telling my monkey that I love him.
"throw one leg north and one leg south"
"don't just go, straight for the thing"
"i want him to touch my whole body"
Foreplay & body stuff
Marlon: {Afrikaans} [Foreplay is like...you're touching the guy, you want to cum, he wants to cum, but he's holding it in. You get so horny...!]
Girl 4: I only started having sex last year, and I like it.
Delmarie: {Afrikaans} [In my sexual experience there was no foreplay involved. It was as if I didn't enjoy myself. Only the guy enjoyed himself. Only he was important. It was short. It happens in uncomfortable place, and so on.]
Girl 4: Some think they know sex, but they don't.
Janine: If a guy can find out the right spot to touch you, then you will enjoy sex. But if the guy like can't find it, you know. It's like the person that finds it you know is the one, that type of thing. And normally it's just, not a real thing.
Craig: Damn, when you have this girl, and this girl just knows how, she likes actually to take the lead of this whole thing. She has to be the main character, man; it's almost like in the movie. She's got to be the driving force in the whole thing.
Girl 4: I want him to be romantic.
Nokuthanda: Ja, let him kiss you back, let him touch you back. Not just go straight to the thing boom bang finish.
Janine: {Afrikaans} [I would say he should touch me entire body. Talk soft to me as he touches me. Kiss me. And play with me.]
Girl 4: Some girls are powerful than boys, they just say that, "Oh, that guy does nothing to me. He lays on top of me", and the guys think they did something although the girl say he did nothing.
Craig: She's got to throw you over, undress you and make you mad, and throw ice blocks over your body and all that stuff. Just workup your emotions and all this man. She must like do with me what she wants to do, like I will like her to what I want to do, you see she must experiment on me man, do weird stuff and weird styles and all the other stuff man.
Thulani: I'm doing every thing I could do, like I'm doing dog style, like you see, throwing the legs north, south you see and do what I must do.
Melvyn: {Afrikaans} [Every part of sex is nice. Kissing, making out, it's all nice.]
Yoen: {Afrikaans} [During my first year at school, the boys started touching me. The bigger boys who touched me saw ‘something is not right'. I actually didn't like the touching because I was still a closet queen. So I would say, "No" but I actually like it. I was very young, that's why I said no. But now it's like a hobby.]
Josie: {Afrikaans} [As you're making out, suddenly you'd be doing broekskote. It's like rubbing, but more complicated than that.]
Rachel: {Afrikaans} [Is that what you'd call it safe sex?]
Josie: {Afrikaans} [Rubbing doesn't hurt. Broekskote hurts.]
Clifford: {Afrikaans} [That night I was taking a nice bath. Then I wash my penis, I dried myself off, got dressed and went to bed. I went to sleep, but during the night something bothered me. I scratch and scratched, but the itch wouldn't go away. After a while I couldn't help but masturbate -- I just couldn't get rid of the itch.]
Girl 5: {Afrikaans} [They say one cannot stop desire. So, what do you think of masturbation? Is it right? Because some people say it's a sin or you are gay if you do it.]
Boy 3: {Afrikaans} [It keeps you busy. When you sit with... I can't call it desire, the best word is need. Then you find there's no-one else with you. I'll use myself as an example; you have a daydream, fantasizing about having a girl. Now, the nearest thing to you is the thing on you. I don't think masturbation is a sin. You are just satisfying your self.]
Desire: Sex and sexuality in school, it's something that we don't talk about and when we do, when we talk about sex at school it's heterosexual, when you talk about romance is heterosexual, every thing is like that and if you come up with anything that is not like that you've kind of seen as an outcast.
Cat: {Afrikaans} [Maybe when you're lying in the bath...]
Boy 5: {Afrikaans} [Lying in the road?]
Cat: {Afrikaans} [No, in the bath! Maybe, as you're lying in the bath, she can't see the soap. And she says to you," throw the soap down my breast". That's the nicest part. As long as every thing is quiet and locked in the house, then you can enjoy yourself.]
Girlfriend: Baby, what's taking you so long?
Boyfriend: I'm fighting with this condom.
Girlfriend: Come let me help you, you don't break the mood while I'm lying here. Come I think it will be lot of fun.
Boyfriend: Okay, but don't break anything.
Girlfriend: I promise I wont. Hurry up.
"When I talk about condoms, he wants to beat me."
"Maybe I should have insisted more"
"he said he's not dirty: He won't use condoms"
"It's got nothing to do with looks..."
Using condoms
Craig: About 80% of them have unprotected sex and they're not even bothered. You hear messages, I also hear these AIDS message and this stuff, but don't even take notice of those things. It's not actually making any affect on any people. I don't know maybe on the outside world these people that it's making an affect on them. Me and my friends, it doesn't make any affect in anyway.
Thulani: At school they told us about transmitted disease, AIDS, viruses and they encourage us to use condoms and they give us condoms, but the other girl here in the street she gives me a condom when she got back to the injection, so she brings me condoms.
Ruth: He doesn't like condoms, when we talk about condoms he says he's not dirty, he can't use condoms. And I said to him but he's got lots of girlfriends and he said "No, I can't use condom". When I talk about condoms he wants to beat me, so I ended up not talking about condoms anymore.
Marlon: {Afrikaans} [Some guys don't like using condoms. Then I tell them, "take it or leave it if you don't want it." Because I won't risk my life for a stinky old screw.]
Girl 4: I've never talk about condoms, the first time he told me that he's got condoms, but he never used them, and I never had a problem with that.
Ruth: I had lots of people say if you use a condom it may fall, so I'm afraid of condoms.
Thulani: But I use condom, I use condom.
Nokuthanda: Maybe you ask him to use a condom and then he says yes he's using a condom, because you can't feel it when they are using a condom or not. And then maybe during the process he takes it out or something, and then you just feel something wet then you know he didn't use it. So the boys are not always right you know, they always say they using it but they are not the most of the time.
Delmarie: {Afrikaans} [Maybe it was my own fault. Maybe I should've insisted more on using condoms. I'd say I new enough at that time.]
Thulani: The reason when I'm not using a condom is that, going to take condoms putting it in my thing it will take 10 years.
Prudence: Me and my boyfriend, we first talk about it talk about sex and everything. So that's when we talk about using condoms and what is his problem with condoms and then we get to understand each other.
Thulani: I can say to cut the condom and put it on and sometimes it's just stuck so it doesn't want to go down you know, so then I just take it and throw it away because the girl is going to leave. So I'll find myself as a stupid.
Vuyo: {Xhosa} [...I tell her that I use a condom for me to see how she will answer that. If she answers in the way I expected, then I know its fine on my side. It's fine to have sex with her.]
Thulani: If I'm visiting the girls who's going to like me, you see, so I must carry the condom.
Marlon: Condoms are a natural thing. It feels the same to me and it's better because it slides in.
Andile: You must always have condoms with you, even if you not going to have sex you must have them with you.
Nokuthanda: It doesn't have to do with the way they look or you trust him or not. I think that you should use a condom whenever you have sex. No matter where you are or you've been with that guy for 5 years now, because you don't know what he was doing the night before, or something.
Girl 4: And he also doesn't know what you were doing.
Nokuthanda: So, you see, it's a two way thing again.
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